The day before I put my beloved dog to sleep I spoke candidly and openly to her vet, a woman I respect a lot, and talked my options over with her. As we looked at them I realized that the only thing I had left was to put my suffering dog out of her misery. My gift to her would be dignity and peace.
Recently I started asking some close friends what they thought love was. I am always confused at the phrase "opening one's heart". The concept is confusing to me and the promise of vulnerability scares the shit out of me. But today, as I was working on a new piece of art, I realized that I had expressed a deep love when I needed to with my dog. I did something that was unimaginable and truly necessary all at once to end her suffering.
So now, after this realization hit me almost four years later, the next steps are to turn that question, "What does it mean to be open to love?" inward so one day, like I did for my dog, I can turn it into service to others. As we align ourselves with what we are collectively: our thoughts, creations, actions and vision, we can soon realize that our choices of living our lives can match up to our unique reason to be here. Maybe it starts with finding the compassion for ourselves - to align our paths and actions and let them take us where they need to go until we are able to learn our lesson to be able to be present for others. We take from the lessons of the gravity of decisions, our choices.
There is a smoothness to the hours in the day that when you are in alignment of being fully yourself that is an amazing way to experience life. When I align to this flow, I feel I am home. These are the moments I am seeking and I truly believe it is the path to understanding how to open to trying love on for size. For me it has always been a struggle and uphill journey, I just have to start with where I am now.